Alphabet Dating Ideas for Long-Distance Relationships: A to Z

Choose a start and finish for live dates, written in both local times. For message dates, agree when you will look at each other’s contributions; there is no need to stay online waiting. Alternate the planning and share inconvenient call times where possible.

Set a spending limit and check materials, accessibility, subscriptions and connection needs. Audio, text or a shorter version can replace video. Ask before recording, taking screenshots or sharing anything outside the two of you. Nobody owes a room tour, private story or photograph to complete a letter.

Use familiar materials and let each person adapt the activity to their surroundings.

• A: Audio postcard. Record a short description of an ordinary scene you enjoyed, such as your morning tea. Send it when convenient, then exchange one question about the scene. Text works just as well if recording is awkward.
• B: Breakfast on two clocks. Share breakfast with your partner’s lunch or supper during a short call. Each bring one small story. You do not need matching meals, and neither person should lose sleep to make it happen.
• C: Cupboard café. Make a drink you already have and invent a name for your imaginary café. Each propose one menu item and explain the choice. Keep the call short enough that the drink remains worth drinking.
• D: Draw from directions. Describe a simple imaginary creature while your partner draws without seeing an example. Reveal the result, then swap roles. Use paper and a pen; the fun comes from interpretation, not artistic accuracy.
• E: Everyday exhibition. Choose three objects you are comfortable showing and give each a tiny museum label. Present them on a call or send descriptions later. A chipped bowl is entirely eligible; possessions do not need impressive histories.
• F: Five-photo fiction. Each contribute photographs of two ordinary objects, then choose a fifth together. Make up a short story linking them. Use your own images without identifying details, or describe the objects instead.

Agree the scope of a surprise in advance. Curiosity should leave room for a comfortable no.

• G: Guess the ordinary object. Describe something nearby using three clues, then let your partner guess. Swap after each answer. Keep clues about the object rather than about private information they are expected to remember.
• H: Home-radio hour. Invent a short radio show with a weather report, an imaginary advert and one kind dedication. Record separately or perform during a call. A few minutes are enough; the title need not dictate the duration.
• I: Invent a tiny holiday. Decide what your fictional celebration honours, what people eat and its one ridiculous tradition. Sketch a greeting card for it. You can build the idea over messages instead of meeting live.
• J: Joint journey on paper. Plan a completely imaginary train trip with three stops, each named after something you enjoy. Take turns describing what happens there. No tickets, travel research or promises about future spending required.
• K: Kitchen commentary. Describe preparing a familiar snack as if you were presenting a gentle cooking programme. Your partner can ask questions or offer a review of the storytelling. Follow usual food precautions and keep hot equipment safely away from devices.
• L: Letter to a future evening. Each write what you would enjoy doing on a low-pressure evening together. Exchange the notes, then choose one realistic detail to keep in mind. Treat wishes as invitations rather than bookings.

These ideas can happen at different times, with a later exchange when you both have attention.

• M: Map of a memory. Draw a simple place connected with a pleasant memory, leaving out exact addresses. Tell the story behind one detail. Passing on a memory is fine; an invented map can become a story instead.
• N: Name that colour. Each find three objects in one colour around your own space. Describe the most surprising one and compare your collections. Photographs are optional, so the activity also works through a short text exchange.
• O: One-page magazine. Create a tiny joint issue with an imaginary headline, a recommendation and a caption. Divide the jobs and combine your contributions in a message. Leave room for a deliberately unimportant story about your day.
• P: Playlist postcards. Choose one song each that fits an imagined destination and explain why. Share titles or lawful links, checking access in both locations. You can discuss the choices without synchronised playback or matching subscriptions.
• Q: Question swap. Each offer one light question, such as which everyday object deserves a redesign. Answer in whatever format suits you, then follow up on one detail. Passing is welcome; avoid hiding a serious relationship test in the game.
• R: Recreate a ridiculous advert. Invent a dramatic advertisement for an ordinary household item. Deliver it by voice, text or a short call, then swap products. Keep images private unless both people actively want to share them.

You can borrow the spirit of a letter when the exact word gets in the way.

• S: Same prompt, separate stories. Begin with “The doorbell rang, but nobody was there.” Each write a short ending and exchange them later. Agree the tone first so one person is not unexpectedly handed a frightening story.
• T: Two-minute show-and-tell. Bring something you learned or made recently and explain it briefly. Your partner asks one curious question, then takes a turn. It can be a solved practical problem, not an impressive achievement.
• U: Unplanned menu. Choose from two very small options together, such as a drawing game or a snack call. The person offering the choices handles the setup. Leave the rest of the evening free from extra expectations.
• V: Voice-note treasure trail. Send three clues leading to an ordinary item your partner already knows in their own space. Agree the area first and avoid private drawers or inaccessible places. A text trail works too.
• W: Window report. Describe one detail visible from a place where you feel comfortable, without sharing your exact location. Your partner imagines it before you explain more. Use an indoor object if the view offers little privacy.
• X: X marks an imaginary island. Each draw an island with three landmarks and an X hiding fictional treasure. Describe the route to your partner, who sketches what they hear. Compare maps rather than choosing a winner.
• Y: Your-choice mini date. Offer your partner two favourites from earlier letters and let them pick. Make the necessary arrangements, including the backup if the connection drops. Next time, reverse the roles so choosing and organising are shared.
• Z: Zero-preparation company. Bring whatever you are already drinking and share one ordinary moment from your day. A short call or a pair of messages is enough. Finishing the alphabet does not require a grand finale.

The Gottman Institute calls small attempts to connect “bids” and describes turning towards as paying attention and responding. In our example, a partner showing a drawing might be asking for a moment of shared amusement. “Tell me about the enormous ears” meets that invitation more directly than correcting the proportions.

You can respond warmly while having a limit: “I want to see it properly. Can I look after dinner?” Then follow through. These original date ideas offer openings for attention; completing them is not a relationship test or a promise of a particular outcome.

Afterwards, ask what was enjoyable and what took too much effort. Keep a favourite, shorten the next plan or leave a letter for later. C can still be canoeing one day. Tonight, the cupboard café is open.

Source:The Gottman Institute: recognising and responding to bids